Posted by: greercn | June 15, 2017

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales

POTC5 (to keep it simple) is also known as Salazar’s Revenge. Salazar and the Dead Men should have been in a much shorter and better film.

There are three possible reasons you might see this:

1) Your name is Depp or you’re part of his family.

2) You have seen all the other instalments in this franchise and you wish to complete viewing the set.

3) Disney can do no wrong, in your view.

It starts well. A terrific chase scene is followed by fights at sea.

Then, it just goes on and on, covering old ground without any real progress. Tangents are followed and odd rehashings of the past films form most of the plot.

The last 20 minutes appear to be tacked on as an afterthought.

At two hours and nine minutes, it feels much too long. Kaya Scodelario and Golshifteh Farahani add great scenes, but their presence seems to say “women can save this movie”. They can’t and they don’t.

Geoffrey Rush, Javier Bardem and Paul McCartney appear to be in an entirely different and far more compelling film.

We are promised this is the last in the franchise. Please, let this be true.

Johnny Depp’s Captain Sparrow is at the heart of this and he is in almost every scene. By the end of the first hour, he looks like he’d welcome a quick hanging.

Depp’s energy is key to the success of “POTC”. Too often, that energy flags and your attention wanders away.

The Stratford East Picturehouse audience seemed restless. Did anyone out there enjoy watching this?

It’s possible that this might work better on a small screen. I might try to watch it again, when it is shown on TV.



  1. Going to say… I’ve never been a fan of PotC *ducks as people throw things*
    Right from the very first one when Johnny Depp staggered around as the inebriated captain I felt it was a cheap ploy just for laughs. I usually adore these types of over-the-top campy films (Van Helsing, Harry Potter, Marvel) but this was one franchise I just cannot do. Nice to find someone else who isn’t charmed by this plunder.

    • Aha! I found your comment and restored it. Yay! I used to be a big fan of the Disney ride. And I loved those old pirate movies that came on TV, late at night. The first of these movies had some good moments but it ran out of steam and now appears to just repeat the same plots, with lots more CGI. Even Depp looks a little bored.

      • Yeah, he does right? Swaggering through pretending to be drunk… or is he just hiding his boredom?

  2. The most telling lines are when he looks at someone else – I can’t remember who – and says “oh, are you still here” in a very bored and sleepy tone. The second best is when he says “are you still talking”. Both lines feel genuine.

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